I wish I could remember better things
things like chocolate cake at 4am,
the comfortable silence
wrapped snug around us,
you made me feel safe
like you're supposed to.
in the dimly lit living room
I was lying on the floor
and we were talking about the future
the future you never got to see.
I wanted to be a vet
and you believed in me,
i don't want to be a vet anymore.
I don't want much of anything anymore.
all I know is the need,
the yearning for something more
than the smell of cider
that shouldn't make me feel
so close to you.
I wish I could remember you
by the smell of chocolate cake,
I wish I could remember you
when you weren't drunk.
your face is fading,
your voice is fading,
the cider is still strong
and I don't think I'll ever be able
to get the smell out of the carpet.